The "cool teacher" syndrome

Most of us had one at some point in our high school years--the teacher that was trying to be the "cool teacher." He was the one that thought he'd relate to us by getting down on our level, allowing us lots of freedom, and upholding few standards or rules in the classroom. Of course we all liked that class--we were teenagers and were all too happy to get away with late assignments, talking in class, and behaving in all sorts of ways we never would in our other classes.

But the fact of the matter is we only loved that teacher when he was giving us what we wanted. As soon as he tried to take control back, the love was gone. When our behavior got out of hand and he tried to enforce some order, it was too late. He had already given the students the power in the classroom and we were not about to give it back to him without a battle. We did not respect him, nor did we believe that he could be our leader.

The only way the cool teacher could earn our respect was to become like the teachers he thought we "didn't relate to." And he would have to become like them for a long time before we would relinquish our control of the class. He would have to uphold rules. He would have to discipline us. He would have to require us to work.

He thought he was reaching us on our level, when in fact we didn't want to model ourselves after a grown adult that hung out with teenagers. Beyond our surface level desire to give only what was expected of us, we wanted to aspire to more. We wanted to be pushed to be stronger and better than our own momentary emotional desires. We wanted to learn.

The cool teacher is not the one who receives letters years after the students have graduated. He's not the one who made a difference in our lives, who helped us find out that we could be more than we imagined we could be. He is not a great teacher.

The "cool teacher" is a good lesson for parents. Great parents love and adore their children, no doubt. But they are strong examples and leaders who teach their children how to be stronger than their immediate impulses. Great parents do not let the children dictate how things will work in the household. They set the rules, the standards, and the guidelines and make sure that children uphold them. Of course they allow a great deal of choice for their kids within those boundaries, but they set boundaries. They withstand the whining, they outlast the tantrums, and they say "no" when what children want is not what is best for them.

When children grow up in a happy, loving environment with parents who teach, guide, and set boundaries, they love their parents on many levels. They love playing and having fun with their parents. They love the consistency of knowing what is expected and how to behave. They love trusting that their parents will be there to guide the way in tough times. And finally, they love and respect their parents for helping them become all that they can be.