Three questions that all expectant couples should ask themselves

Before a couple's first baby arrives, they should spend a lot of time talking--about their fears of entering this new phase of life, about their hopes for the baby and themselves, about how they'd like their life to look after the baby arrives, and perhaps most importantly, what kind of parents they want to be. Here are three important questions any couple should discuss before having their baby.

1) How was I raised? The greatest factor determining what kinds of parents we'll be is what kind of parents we had. By bringing awareness to what they want to pass on to the next generation and what they want to leave behind, couples can parent from a more intentional, proactive mindset. I have observed that if conscious choice and visualization of the intended parenting style is integrated, even people who come from less than ideal circumstances can become outstanding parents.

2) What do I like/dislike about the parents I observe? Observe and evaluate the people around you who are already parents as often as you can. This is a great beginning step to creating your own parenting style. Watch how a mom in the grocery store handles a child's tantrum and discuss with each other how you think you'd handle it. Look at how dads interact with their children at the park. If you encounter an expert parenting moment, write down what you saw to remember for later. When having these discussions with your partner, it is great to have each person think of their own answer before sharing, so you can see how closely your answers matched up. Don't panic if they don't match up at all. Discussing the rationale for your answers will give you insight into how each of you operates.

3) Which of my strengths do I want most to pass on? By defining your personal strengths, you begin to see what you value, which can become the foundation for your parenting choices. Celebrate your strengths and look for ways you can incorporate them into your parenting decisions. For example, a parent who values a strong work ethic will make sure that his children have some chores to do every day that match his developmental abilities. A parent who values communication will help a child define their feelings of anger, joy, and sadness. Explore and celebrate what you are good at, and make parenting decisions that amplify those strengths.