Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Respectfully Argue in Front of Your Kids

It's good practice in a marriage to "fight fair" anyway, so every couple should work to achieve a way to interact when they disagree that is still respectful and loving of their spouse. Once this is achieved, I think it's a great thing for children to occasionally see an argument in action.

Why? By seeing a respectful but heated discussion about an issue, children learn many positive life lessons:

1) You can love someone and still disagree with them. They will realize over time that love is not lost in an argument and if nurtured in a healthy, loving environment with occasional arguments, children will grow into adults who stand up for themselves and handle conflict appropriately and confidently when it arises. They will neither shy away from nor seek out conflict, but they will appropriately and maturely handle it when it comes up, because they are not afraid that it will mean the loss of love.

2) Everyone's right and wrong some of the time. By seeing you give in when you realize you are wrong, they will learn to be fair, logical, and seek the truth in situations, rather than seeking to be "right."

3) When you really believe in something, you should "fight" for it. If spouses can logically make arguments with reasons to support their points, children learn to think this way and learn that there are ideals worth standing up for. This helps them grow into adults with strong principles and the ability to defend those principles.

It goes without saying that parents should not fight, scream, yell, or curse at each other in front of the children. But I truly believe that healthy discourse, even a little heated at times, is a wonderful teaching tool, as long as it is done with respect and as long as the majority of interactions children observe in their parents are positive, supportive, and loving.

No comments: